Handling meltdowns in young children can be quite a challenge, but there are ways to make them more manageable.
For every apparent dysfunction, there is always a function, and meltdowns are simply just that: a means for intense emotional outbursts to occur when children feel overwhelmed. Being curious and not dismissive about why meltdowns happen is pivotal.
Young children are still learning how to process their emotions. The ability to express feelings appropriately is not innate but sharpened with both awareness and skill.
Meltdowns can be triggered by a variety of reasons: hunger, tiredness, overstimulation, frustration or changes in routine; and each one of these can be quite overwhelming.
Our expectations regarding our roles must remain grounded. Our role is not to prevent all possible meltdowns but to help reduce their frequency, and to grow and bond with each one experienced.
Indeed, establishing a routine can foster a sense of security. Maintaining regular mealtimes, naps, and bedtime and being prepared with snacks, toys or books can keep your child occupied and prevent hunger or boredom.
Communicating about what to expect, keeping them in the loop of what is happening can also be helpful. They should be part of that same plan: “We’re going to the store, and we’ll be back home after that.”
Teaching your child to understand and label their feelings is crucial. For example, “I can see you’re upset because you can’t have the toy”, provides validation.
“Our role is not to prevent all possible meltdowns but to help reduce their frequency, and to grow and bond with each one experienced”
Additionally, offering unlimited choices can cause stress, so simplifying when you can and limiting it to one or two options can be effective.
Notwithstanding, despite your best efforts, meltdowns are bound to happen. This is not because you have failed. It is essential to stay calm during these moments as your reaction sets the tone. Emulate taking deep breaths and speaking in a soothing voice while you connect at your children’s level, even in posture, and not towering above them.
Acknowledge emotions and assure once more how it is okay to feel that way: it is okay not to be okay. Ask whether you can provide comfort, whether they would like a hug or a favourite blanket or toy; remind yourself that that child is trying their best to comprehend life.
Agree on taking a moment to detach and calm down together, staying close to them but giving them space if they need it. Use simple language to reflect on what happened while focusing on the behaviour and not the individual, steering away from shame or guilt.
Consistency is key, so make sure to apply the same rules each time to help your child understand what to expect, and to reinforce behaviours where emotions are handled well positively.
If you are overwhelmed, it is fine to postpone the discussion until you regain composure. Ask yourself: “Am I reacting as the adult, or as the hurt child I once was?”
Keep in mind that the meaning and interpretation we give these meltdowns is significant. Do not hesitate to seek support from others. Remember that meltdowns are opportunities for the child to grow further, a normal part of development and you are not alone in facing them.
It is a learning process for both you and your child. Time and experience will grant us the tools to navigate through these challenges and grow stronger together.
William Hayman is counsellor and vice-president of MACP − the Malta Association for the Counselling Profession.
If you’re interested in learning more about the counselling profession or would like additional information on mental health and self-care, visit www.macpmalta.org, www.facebook.com/ CounsellingMaltaMACP or e-mail info@macpmalta.org.
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