Since we’re young, play is not only a means of entertainment, but also a way to interact with the world around us − a world which, at the early stages of life, we do not fully understand, but which evokes curiosity. It is a time of joy, fun and laughter.
Through play, the child also unconsciously develops their character and engages in something that ultimately helps in the formation of their identity. Therefore, one could easily argue that play is essential, if not crucial, in the developmental process. Furthermore, play never really leaves us, but the notion of play changes as we get older.
Some stay engaged with play, investing time and effort to expand how they play in their adulthood. Others may perhaps view it as an activity of the past or a waste of their time.
Whether losing touch with play as we get older produces adverse outcomes is perhaps subjective, but a negative view of play could undoubtedly affect parents’ attitudes towards their children and, by extension, their children’s relationship to play.
Can parents understand their children better or build a better relationship with them if they do not lose touch with play? Does play improve these interpersonal relationships further if parents try to invest more time in play? Can adults who keep their inner child alive through play enjoy intrapersonal benefits too?
It is not uncommon for adults to view playing as something only children or adolescents do. This may be due to many factors: from the many responsibilities adulthood demands and the numerous commitments that need attending to, or simply feeling like there is no time in one’s schedule for it.
While every living person is afforded the same 24 hours, how one chooses to utilise one’s time is in one’s control. Life then becomes a priority list of sorts, which sometimes results in fewer and fewer opportunities for something like play; so much so that play becomes more of a luxury than a natural thing to do.
The issue here seems to be that we tend to forget that playing is, among other things, a form of learning about our environment, others and ourselves. It can also be a form of lifelong learning − which is very beneficial for a more connected, healthier and fulfilled life. It might also be something worth exploring in later years too. So, the question is now: ho do we engage in adult play?
Due to increased levels of cognition and through life experiences, the way we play as adults changes as we are no longer discovering things for the first time. However, much like anything in life, the more you engage with something, the more you become knowledgeable about it, thus increasing your expertise. For example, adults who have played chess regularly have refined their skills and not only play for entertainment but also to compete.
“We tend to forget that playing is, among other things, a form of learning about our environment, others and ourselves”
Winning becomes akin to accomplishment and achievement, which ultimately affects a person’s view of themselves, namely their self-efficacy, self-confidence and self-esteem. Play can thus make a person feel better about themselves and gives them more purpose in life and feel more valued.
We often see worth, or rather what is worthy, through the values we attach to things around us, others and ourselves. Therefore, one can see a correlation between play and self-worth. If we maintain that self-worth is something that people should strive for to live fulfilling lives and is something very beneficial to engage with on a lifelong basis, then why should play be any different?
Through this realisation, parents can maintain a healthy relationship with themselves by engaging with their inner child. By being connected to their inner child, they can better understand their children and perhaps be more present to help them with their problems, which are unfortunately often misunderstood and/or ignored.
In therapy, the issues or traumas that often come up have their origins in childhood, and therapists often find themselves helping the client engage with them. It truly all begins in childhood. If adults pause a little from their hectic lives and remember that they are merely children who grew up, they will have more meaningful and stronger bonds with their children. To try to understand the other, one might try to understand oneself first.
Mark Bonello is a counsellor and member of MACP − Malta Association for the Counselling Profession.
If you’re interested in learning more about the counselling profession or would like additional information on mental health and self-care, visit www.macpmalta.org, www.facebook.com/ CounsellingMaltaMACP or e-mail info@macpmalta.org.
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