The significant influence of emotional expression, or the absence of it, on a child’s overall well-being is often overlooked. One emotion that tends to be misunderstood and frequently avoided is sadness.
In a society that often emphasises happiness and positivity, sadness can be perceived as something to conceal. However, fostering an environment where children can express their sadness is vital for their emotional growth and mental health.
Sadness signals to us and others that something meaningful has occurred, be it loss, disappointment or an unmet need. While adults may view these situations as minor, they can hold considerable emotional significance for a child. Ignoring and dismissing sadness or urging them to “cheer up” too quickly can inadvertently convey that their feelings are invalid or unworthy of attention, possibly leading to a pattern of suppressed emotions, which may eventually result in anxiety, depression or other emotional challenges.
Creating an environment where children feel secure in expressing sadness goes beyond simply telling a child that it is acceptable to feel sad. This necessitates a basis of trust, patience and authentic empathy.
Staying with sadness may not be as easy, and we often fall into the habit of wanting to resolve issues as quickly as possible, seeking to alleviate the child’s sadness. However, it is essential to recognise that sadness is not a problem to be solved but an experience to be acknowledged and processed.
When we hasten to eliminate sadness, we unintentionally communicate that this emotion is unacceptable or should be avoided. By being present with the child in their sadness, whether through a quiet presence, attentive listening or a comforting embrace, we normalise how feeling this way is perfectly fine and that their emotions are valid and worthy of recognition.
For younger kids, storybooks or creative activities like drawing can help delve into feelings, encouraging and providing space. As children grow older, discussions and reflective conversations can become more straightforward. Equipping children with the necessary vocabulary and tools to articulate their emotions marks a significant understanding that all emotions, even the challenging ones, serve a purpose and have a rightful place.
“We must remember that our role is not to shield children from their feelings but to accompany them”
Phrases such as “I can see that you’re really sad about this” or “it’s perfectly fine to cry; I’m here for you,” can provide immense comfort. These responses reassure children that feelings are valid and that they are not alone in facing them, encouraging children to treat themselves with kindness during tough times. This also encourages children to understand, label and eventually manage their emotions, increasing their emotional literacy.
As adults, we must manage our discomfort regarding our emotions, accentuating the importance of self-care. A child’s sadness can sometimes evoke our unresolved feelings or a sense of helplessness. However, we must remember that our role is not to shield children from their feelings but to accompany them, to create a safe space for the child to explore sadness without fear of overwhelming or burdening us. It is about teaching them that all emotions are legitimate and that such emotions need to be labelled and understood to be processed and managed.
When children learn to recognise and process their sadness, their increased emotional literacy helps them develop resilience. They come to realise that while sadness is a part of life, it does not define their entire story. It is an experience they can navigate, especially when they have support.
William Hayman is counsellor and vice-president of MACP – the Malta Association for the Counselling Profession.
If you’re interested in learning more about the counselling profession or would like additional information on mental health and self-care, visit www.macpmalta.org, www.facebook.com/ CounsellingMaltaMACP or e-mail info@macpmalta.org.
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