Jade sits at her desk, staring at the pile of unfinished assignments in front of her. Around her, classmates chat and laugh, but she is in a different world, feeling detached as though she were sitting behind a thick pane of glass.
No matter how much she tries, it seems impossible to catch up. Yesterday, she stayed up late studying, only to realise that everything she had read is slipping away as soon as she turns the page.
It is not just the piling schoolwork. The noise of the school corridors, the expectations, the pressure to fit in − it all feels overwhelming. Teachers often remind her about due dates and deadlines and that her national SEC examinations are only a year away. They rarely ask if and how she is coping.
Even her friends do not seem to notice how much she is struggling. Each day, Jade goes through the difficult day, hoping no one will realise how lost she feels.
Many young people feel overwhelmed and isolated in their school environment, even when they appear to be managing well. For some, like Jade, school becomes a place filled with silent pressures: academic expectations, social challenges and the constant feeling of being “behind” or out of place.
Parents might not easily perceive these problems, as young people often mask their feelings, perhaps because they worry about disappointing those who care about them.
But it is crucial for parents or guardians to understand the root causes of these feelings and learn how to support young people through them.
Some key factors
It is natural for parents to wonder why their child might feel disconnected or overwhelmed at school, especially if they seemed fine in previous years. These are some key factors that might contribute to these feelings:
1. Academic pressure and expectations
Many young people feel immense pressure to perform academically. Today’s competitive environment strongly emphasises grades, achievements and future planning, even at a young age.
This constant pressure can make students feel like they are never doing “enough”, leading to a sense of failure. When students do not know how to cope with this pressure, they may feel defeated before they even try.
2. Social pressures
Parents need to be aware that school is also a place where they navigate complex social dynamics. Challenges such as bullying, peer pressure and the fear of judgment can be incredibly draining. If a child feels isolated, misunderstood or socially insecure, this can amplify feelings of loneliness and anxiety, making school an intimidating place to be.
3. Struggles with identity and self-esteem
Adolescence is a time of self-discovery, where students grapple with questions about who they are and where they fit in. Many young people feel lost as they try to define their identity in relation to their peers, their family’s expectations and society at large.
Low self-esteem or insecurity about their appearance, abilities or background can make them feel like they do not belong, adding to the sense of being “lost”.
4. Mental health issues
Recent research confirms that anxiety, depression and other mental health challenges are increasingly common among young people. Social media, academic stress, family issues and societal pressures can contribute to these feelings.
A child struggling with mental health concerns may find it hard to concentrate, enjoy social interactions or even get out of bed in the morning. This can lead to a cycle of avoidance and guilt, deepening their sense of isolation and disconnection from school.
5. Learning difficulties
Sometimes, a child may feel lost because they struggle to keep up with the academic content. Neurodiverse profiles, such as dyslexia or ADHD, or simply having gaps in foundational knowledge, can make schoolwork a daily challenge. If a student feels they are “behind” but does not understand why or how to catch up, it can lead to frustration and a sense of defeat.
6. Transition phases and change
Transitions, such as moving from primary to secondary school, starting a new school year, or even changing friend groups, e.g. over the summer, can disrupt a child’s sense of stability. With new teachers, classmates and academic expectations, some students find adapting hard and may start feeling lost.
A significant life change, such as a family move or parental separation, loss in the family, can also amplify this feeling of instability, affecting their performance and well-being at school.
7. Impact of technology and social media
Social media and technology bring new challenges. Constant comparisons with others online, exposure to idealised images of success, and the pressure to stay “connected” 24/7 can impact self-esteem and distract from academics.
For some students, technology can create feelings of inadequacy and even interfere with sleep, energy and mental health, affecting their school experience.
Each of these factors, alone or in combination, can contribute to a young person feeling lost or disconnected at school.
Part 2 of the article will offer valuable insights for parents on recognising and supporting a child who feels lost at school.
Nicolette Camilleri is counsellor/treasurer of the Malta Association for the Counselling Profession (MACP).
If you’re interested in learning more about the counselling profession or would like additional information on mental health and self-care, visit www.macpmalta.org, www.facebook.com/ CounsellingMaltaMACP or e-mail info@macpmalta.org.
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