Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental profile that impacts millions of children and adults worldwide. Its symptoms, ranging from inattention to impulsivity to difficulties with emotional regulation, can shape every aspect of a person’s life, often in ways misunderstood or overlooked by those around them.
This article weaves together the broader realities of ADHD with my own personal journey, aiming to offer parents insight, empathy and some practical guidance.
Growing up undiagnosed: the invisible struggle
For much of my student life, ADHD was an invisible force shaping my experiences. I struggled to belong, to socialise and to understand my own and others’ emotions.
Academic life was a particular challenge: I found it hard to comprehend subjects and even harder to figure out how to study. The only exception was when I was genuinely interested in a topic. Then, I would shine, especially during class discussions.
However, examinations were another story. I would panic, forget everything and freeze, leading to disappointing results.
‘‘What am I reading? I don’t remember covering this during my studies.
I look around the exam room. Everyone is scribbling with their pen and turning their exam booklets.
My heart is racing. I am getting a headache. I can feel my body starting to sweat.”
This pattern is common for many students with undiagnosed ADHD.
Everyday challenges, including losing track of conversations, misplacing belongings or being chronically late, are often dismissed as personality quirks or bad habits, rather than recognised as symptoms of a neurodevelopmental profile.
Family dynamics: love, support and misunderstandings
How did I manage to become a counsellor despite my academic struggles and the kind of support I received from my parents?
Looking back, I realised my parents did what they knew best. My father’s mantra was: “Read more!’’ This was his universal solution to my academic woes.
“I received my exam results by post. I can see my father looking incredibly angry and disappointed.
‘How many times have I told you to study. You never learn!,’ he says.
My father takes away my PlayStation, my mobile and laptop, telling me that I will get them back when I get better results.”
On the other hand, my mother offered emotional support in her own way. She cooked my favourite meals and checked in on my studies.
“I sit by the dinner table, my father disappointed at me. My mother brings me food.
‘Għamiltlek tarja moqlija, kif tħobbha. Issa meta tlesti mill-ikel, nagħmlu pjan biex nistudjaw ħalli tmur aħjar,’ she says. (I made you ‘fried noodles’, just how you like it. Now, when you’re done eating, we do a study plan so you do better next time).
She finishes her sentence with her hand on my back, reassuring me that everything will be fine.”
While I love my parents deeply, I often wished they understood just how much I was struggling.
This is a common experience for many with ADHD, especially when their symptoms are misunderstood or downplayed at home. Children with ADHD benefit greatly from parents who provide not just structure but also emotional validation and open communication.
Coping with ADHD: finding my own way
Without a diagnosis or ‘support’, I developed my own coping mechanisms. I created an inner world, a mental space to process my emotions and experiences. Superheroes fascinated me, especially their secret identities. Yet, unlike them, I did not feel proud of my own hidden struggles.
“I am studying in the kitchen. I can’t really concentrate on what I am reading. I feel myself drifting in my mind, swinging from building to building, hearing the calls of civilians asking for aid.
I’m banging my pencil on the copy book.
I can’t understand what I am studying. I can’t do this right now.
I leave the kitchen and go into my room. I don’t know what I should do right now. I switch on my PlayStation.
I open Spider Man: Web of Shadows, place the disc inside the console and grab the controller.
People call for aid.
I swing in action as I battle my nemesis.
I feel good about myself.
I feel as if everything will be fine.”
How parents can be more supportive
If you’re a parent reading this, sceptical or worried about your child’s academic or personal struggles, know that your role is crucial. Here are practical ways to support a child who may have ADHD:
• Educate yourself: Learning about ADHD, its symptoms, challenges and strengths. Understanding the condition is the first step towards empathy and effective support.
• Create structure and routine: Consistent daily routines help children with ADHD feel more organised and secure. Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps to avoid overwhelming them.
• Foster open communication: Encourage your child to express their feelings and experiences. Listen actively and without judgement. Let them know their struggles are real and valid.
• Focus on strengths and interests: Support your child in pursuing activities they enjoy and excel at. This boosts self-esteem and motivation.
• Use positive reinforcement: Praise efforts and achievements, no matter how small. Positive feedback can reinforce good behaviours and build confidence.
• Practise patience and empathy: Remember that challenging behaviours are symptoms, not choices. Patience and understanding go a long way in building trust and resilience.
• Seek professional support: Don’t hesitate to contact healthcare professionals, therapists or support groups for guidance and encouragement.
Final thoughts
Living with undiagnosed ADHD shaped my life in ways I am still discovering. While my parents did their best, I often felt alone in my struggles.
If you are a parent, your willingness to listen, learn and support your child can make all the difference. ADHD is not a character flaw or a lack of effort.
It is a different way of experiencing the world. With empathy and the proper support, children with ADHD can thrive.
Daniel Liam Cutajar is counsellor/vice-secretary of the Malta Association for the Counselling Profession (MACP).
If you’re interested in learning more about the counselling profession or would like additional information on mental health and self-care, visit www.macpmalta.org, www.facebook.com/ CounsellingMaltaMACP or e-mail info@macpmalta.org.
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