Family life is full of both joy and challenge, often on a daily basis. Most days run smoothly, but crises − big or small − can suddenly shift the balance. An accident, a child being bullied at school, illness (short- or long-term), pressure at work, school exams, an unexpected diagnosis or even the sudden death of a loved one can unsettle the family equilibrium.
During these moments, emotions often intensify. A family may move quickly from a sense of stability and hope to a feeling of hopelessness − sometimes just for a short time but in some cases for much longer. What’s striking is that we often don’t notice hope until it seems to have gone missing.
Therapists have long understood that it isn’t a matter of simply feeling hopeful or hopeless. These two emotions can, in fact, coexist. A person can feel hopeful about one aspect of family life while feeling hopeless about another. They are not opposites but rather sit in tension with each other.
“We often don’t notice hope until it seems to have gone missing”
Sometimes this balance plays out within the family itself. One member − perhaps a parent or an eldest child − may carry the “weight” of hopelessness, while another carries hope. These roles can even shift back and forth over time. In this way, family members step in and out of hope and hopelessness, revealing that hope is not just a feeling but also an active quality − something we do.
This becomes most visible when tensions run high and something important is at stake. Emotions, behaviours and the search for meaning all become ways that family members express hope or hopelessness.
It’s worth noting that counsellors too are members of families. They face life’s challenges and grapple with hope and hopelessness in their personal lives. Many have come to see these experiences as resources that can strengthen their professional work with others.
What can families do?
Talking openly about hope and hopelessness is a good starting point. Families may need to acknowledge feelings that seem confusing or contradictory, whether during an acute crisis or in the face of chronic challenges.
Acknowledgement itself is powerful. It affirms a person’s worth and existence. A simple phrase like “I’m so glad you are here” reminds one that their life matters. Without this, hopelessness can creep in, leaving a person feeling as though they don’t exist.
Recognition is equally important. Saying “Thank you, that was really helpful” validates a person’s contribution. Without recognition, feelings of futility may arise − “I don’t know why I bother.”
On the other hand, harmful words can act as a form of “adverse acknowledgement”. Repeated criticism, put-downs or unjust treatment can deeply wound a person’s self-esteem and identity, especially within the family setting.
Moving forward
By becoming more aware of our own experiences of hope and hopelessness − and how these emotions shape our inner lives − we can better support those we love. Families thrive when members both recognise and affirm one another, even amid life’s most difficult challenges.
Hope, then, is not just something we wait to feel. It is something we practise together.
Family tips: building hope at home
• Acknowledge presence: Say “I’m glad you’re here” − it affirms a child’s or family member’s value.
• Recognise contributions: Praise effort with specifics like “that really helped” to build hope.
• Watch your words: Repeated criticism damages self-esteem; aim for encouragement instead.
• Share feelings openly: Let children and family members see that both hope and hopelessness are normal parts of life.
• Model balance: Show how to hold hope in one area, even when another feels difficult.
John Prysor-Jones is a specialist psychotherapist (retired).
If you’re interested in learning more about the counselling profession or would like additional information on mental health and self-care, visit www.macpmalta.org, www.facebook.com/ CounsellingMaltaMACP or e-mail info@macpmalta.org.
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