When my generation was still in childhood, a “screen” was something we used to keep flies out of the kitchen on a hot summer’s day. Now, it’s what our own children stare at for hours on end, faces bathed in blue light, thumbs moving at lightning speed, eyes with the singular focus we wish they’d apply with the same intensity to homework. Whether it’s a tablet, a gaming console, or their own or their parent’s smartphone, technology has become as much a part of modern childhood as marbles and Cicciobello once were.
And it’s not all bad news. Without a shadow of a doubt, digital tools have opened doors our generation could only dream of. Kids can learn new exotic languages with minimum effort, design their own superbly imaginative worlds, converse in real time with friends and relatives across the world, and all this before bedtime.
Studies, including a recent one conducted here in Malta this year, show that technology can enhance cognitive skills like problem-solving and spatial awareness. Used well, technology can educate, connect and inspire.
But (there’s always a “but”), for every wonderful digital benefit, there’s a potential downside. The same platforms that foster creativity and friendship can also lead to anxiety, sleeplessness or every parent’s nightmare – the “screen detox tantrum”. Social media, for instance, can make even carefree and confident children feel burdened and insecure when comparing themselves to everyone “living their best life” online.
Likewise, while games can improve strategy, imagination and focus, they can also consume whole afternoons or weekends that might otherwise be spent together with family and friends outside, at the beach or picnicking, or, at the very least, engaged in some physical activity.
It will come as no surprise that research has found that, even on our islands, children’s exposure to screens begins earlier than ever, often in infancy. Tablets and phones, initially used for soothing or as nannies, have quickly become children’s constant companions, something they reach for as soon as they have an idle moment.
By school age, many kids are experts at navigating the digital world, often more so than their parents and grandparents. By the time they hit 12, they’re not only watching online videos, sometimes of questionable appropriateness, but also chatting, posting and, inevitably, comparing.
Physically, all this sitting and scrolling takes its toll. Paediatricians are now talking about “tech neck” and “gamer’s posture,” conditions that sound barely believable until you see your 10-year-old hunching their shoulders after a Minecraft or Roblox marathon. And then there’s sleep. Blue light, late-night scrolling under the bed sheets, and the “just one more level/win/minute” mindset all add up to restless nights and oh-so-irritable mornings.
Parental involvement
So, what are we supposed to do as parents? Lock up the tablets? Declare a total digital detox? Tempting, yes, but not exactly realistic. Smelling the morning coffee after trying to drag a sleepy teen out of bed after a night of secret gaming evidently leads to the conclusion that technology isn’t going away, and, in truth, nor should it. It’s now an integral and important part of how our children learn, socialise and understand the world. The real question shouldn’t be whether they should use it, but how.
And here’s where we come in. Every expert and sensible parent I’ve spoken to, every reliable, unbiased study I’ve read, ends up saying the same thing: no app, setting or “kid-friendly” platform can replace good old-fashioned parental involvement.
“It’s not about policing them; it’s about participating”
Active supervision, which means being part-and-parcel of your child’s digital world, is the single most powerful way to keep them safe, balanced and happy online. That doesn’t mean hovering over their shoulder every five minutes, obsessively checking what they’re doing. It means knowing what they’re into, asking them which games they play and watching them play them, sharing their screen time by playing games together, understanding what makes them laugh online and what confuses or annoys them, and watching a few clips together.
It’s not about policing them; it’s about participating. When our children see us showing genuine interest, they’re more likely to talk to us about what they’re doing and come to us when something online upsets or frightens them.
Modelling
Modelling matters too, and kids notice everything.
“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say”, observed US poet and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson.
If they see us scrolling through dinner, checking e-mails in bed or muttering “just one more minute,” every time they ask us to help them out with something, they absorb that as acceptable and normal. Setting boundaries together, like “no phones at the table” or “devices off an hour before bed”, is far more effective and perceived as fairer when everyone is following the same rules.
Of course, this all takes effort, too often at the end of a long workday when the idea of one more conversation feels impossible to contemplate. It helps me to think of it in this way: in a world where everything seems to move faster than we can keep up with, being present and curious about our children’s digital lives might be the most important thing we do right now, while we still can.
“All the smart devices, safety settings and parental controls in the world cannot compare to the safety offered by a parent who is truly paying attention”
This is because all the smart devices, safety settings and parental controls in the world cannot compare to the safety offered by a parent who is truly paying attention. Technology evolves daily, and keeping up with it is near impossible; our presence doesn’t need an update – it’s reassuringly consistent and persistent.
So, the next time you find your child with their face buried in a screen, resist the urge to shout, “Turn that thing off!”. Sit beside them. Ask about their favourite character. Laugh together about a funny meme. Let them teach you something. You might find that the very thing you worried was pulling you apart becomes a new way to connect.
Because, at the end of the day, our kids don’t need perfectly knowledgeable parents; they just need us to be involved, aware and willing to learn alongside them. In a world overflowing with ‘safety apps’ and digital promises, the only real safeguard your child has is you.
Roberta Attard is a clinical psychologist and researcher specialised in child and young person psychological issue.
If you’re interested in learning more about the counselling profession or would like additional information on mental health and self-care, visit www.macpmalta.org, www.facebook.com/ CounsellingMaltaMACP or e-mail info@macpmalta.org.
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