The Christmas holidays often arrive wrapped in bright paper and sparkling expectations. For many families, it’s a season of joy, connection and tradition. Yet for parents, it can also bring stress, exhaustion and emotional tension.
As a counsellor, parents often tell me they are feeling “torn” − wanting to create magical memories for their children while struggling to manage their own energy, family relationships and financial pressures.
The cultural narrative around Christmas tends to idealise togetherness, generosity and happiness. Social media fills our feeds with images of perfectly decorated trees and smiling families in matching pyjamas. But the reality for most families is far more complex.
The holidays can highlight existing stressors in relationships, amplify feelings of loneliness and bring unresolved family dynamics to the forefront.
As a counsellor, I can say this season offers both challenge and opportunity. It’s a time when emotional awareness, communication and compassion, for ourselves and others, become especially important.
Managing expectations
Many parents enter December with a long list of “shoulds”: “I should make the house look festive”; “we should visit both sides of the family”; “the kids should have a perfect Christmas morning”. These expectations, while often rooted in love and tradition, can create unrealistic pressure.
In counselling sessions, I often encourage parents to step back and ask: “What actually matters most to me and my family this Christmas?” Sometimes the answer is simple: time together, rest or laughter.
Allowing yourself to redefine what “success” looks like can be liberating. The perfect Christmas doesn’t exist, but a meaningful one does.
Letting go of comparison can also be powerful. In the long run, one rarely remembers the exact gifts received as a child, but one would remember how the day felt.
A calm, present parent will have far more impact than an anxious one trying to meet impossible standards.
For some parents, the biggest stressor isn’t the shopping or cooking ‒ it’s family gatherings. The holidays often bring together people with differing values, unresolved tensions or complicated histories. Old patterns can easily resurface when everyone is under one roof.
From a systemic counselling viewpoint, these interactions can be seen through the lens of family roles and boundaries. Parents might find themselves slipping into old roles from their childhood family, even as they try to manage their own children.
“The perfect Christmas doesn’t exist, but a meaningful one does”
Awareness of these dynamics can help. Before gatherings, it can be useful to set boundaries – emotional as well as practical ones. Decide in advance how long you’ll stay, what topics are off-limits and how you’ll look after yourself if tensions rise.
If co-parenting is part of your family structure, planning is vital. Open communication about holiday schedules can reduce conflict. Focus on what is best for the children rather than old grievances. A child-centred approach might mean being flexible with dates or emphasising shared traditions across households.
Supporting children’s emotions
Children experience the holidays differently depending on age, temperament and family circumstances. While many are excited, others can feel overwhelmed by changes in routine, unfamiliar faces or heightened emotions around them. Parents sometimes assume that children will automatically be happy but even joy can feel intense for little ones.
In the counselling profession, helping children regulate emotions during the holidays begins with attunement (noticing and naming feelings). When a child becomes overstimulated or upset, one should respond with empathy rather than frustration. Simple phrases like, “it feels like everything’s a bit much right now” can help them feel understood.
For families facing grief, separation or financial hardship, the holidays may bring sadness or guilt. Children pick up on these emotions, even when adults try to hide them. Honest but age-appropriate conversations about why things might feel different this year can prevent confusion and help children build emotional resilience.
Self-care isn’t selfish
Parents often put themselves last during the holidays, believing that self-care can wait until January. Yet as counsellors remind clients throughout the year, we cannot pour from an empty cup. Prioritising rest, connection and small moments of joy is not indulgent; it’s essential for emotional well-being.
Self-care doesn’t have to mean grand gestures. It can be as simple as taking a short walk, saying no to one event or asking for help with the washing up. Reflecting on what replenishes your energy, and making space for it, models healthy self-regulation for children.
Mindfulness practices can also be grounding during the rush of the season. Taking a few deep breaths before responding to conflict, or pausing to notice gratitude, can shift perspective. The holidays are fleeting; being fully present for small, authentic moments often brings more fulfilment than striving for perfection.
Finding meaning amid the mayhem
Ultimately, Christmas is about connection − not performance. When parents let go of the pressure to orchestrate a flawless experience, they open space for genuine presence and joy. The heart of the holiday lies not in the gifts or decorations, but in shared laughter, forgiveness and belonging.
From a counsellor’s point of view, this season can serve as a reminder of the deeper values that sustain families all year: empathy, communication and care.
Parenting through Christmas is not about getting everything right; it’s about showing up, with love and imperfection, again and again.
Chantelle Sciberras is a warranted counsellor and vice president of the Malta Association for the Counselling Profession (MACP).
If you’re interested in learning more about the counselling profession or would like additional information on mental health and self-care, visit www.macpmalta.org, www.facebook.com/ CounsellingMaltaMACP or e-mail info@macpmalta.org.
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