I’m writing this sitting next to our beautiful dog, who will be 12 years old in a few short months. My mother was petrified of dogs when my sister first brought him home after a nasty breakup; now, he’s like her shadow.
You never see one without the other when they’re both at home. When my parents go abroad, he hardly eats and spends long hours waiting near the door for them to return. Even though he now gets arthritis shots, he insists on climbing the stairs to sleep next to my parents every single night. What I’m trying to say is that this dog is a deeply cherished member of the family, and when he does eventually pass on, I can’t imagine the immeasurable grief we will all feel.
I am writing this after hearing yet another person tell someone else that they’re making a big deal out of their pet’s death and that they shouldn’t be grieving so much for “an animal”. Apparently, there’s some rule book out there on who and what we should mourn and for how long, and I’m one of the only people who hasn’t read it.
I honestly don’t get it. Apart from the fact that no one has the right to tell anyone that their feelings don’t make sense just because they can’t understand or relate to them, how can anyone who’s ever had a pet or even watched a film or read a book with beloved companions in it not be able to understand what a great source of comfort, support, and joy animals are to so many?
There is no monopoly on heartache, no right or wrong way to express sorrow for all the things we lose, and the fact that people keep minimising and invalidating other people’s pain is, quite frankly, horrible.
Just because a pet is merely an accessory to you, it doesn’t mean they have the same meaning to someone else. Instead of being so hellbent on nullifying feelings because we can’t understand them or they make us uncomfortable, perhaps we should listen and support others when they come to us with their pain.
The next time someone comes to you and unfolds their story about the death of a pet, instead of making them feel ashamed and silly, maybe you should make them feel held and heard. Life and loss are hard enough; no one needs to be made to feel stupid for caring, too.
