For most caregivers, the instinct to protect children comes naturally. We want to keep them safe, alleviate disappointment and prevent unnecessary pain. In today’s world, however, where warnings about risk are constant and parenting advice is everywhere, this instinct is often accompanied by a heightened sense of responsibility.
The term ‘bubble-wrapping’ children is often used to describe overprotection: stepping in too quickly, removing discomfort, solving problems before a child has had the chance to attempt, or smoothing out every possible difficulty. This is usually well intentioned, with most parents acting out of love, concern and a genuine desire to do the right thing. However, when protection becomes excessive, it can reduce the everyday experiences through which children develop independence, emotional resilience and trust in their own abilities.
From a counselling perspective, the issue is not protection itself but imbalance. Children need safety, stability and emotional support, but they also need opportunities to make decisions, experience frustration and discover what they can manage. Support is most helpful when it guides a child through difficulty rather than removing the difficulty altogether.
It is useful to distinguish between danger and manageable risks. Danger involves situations where a child may be harmed and clearly needs adult protection. In contrast, manageable risks include age-appropriate experiences such as trying again after a mistake, speaking up for themselves, solving small problems or coping with disappointment. These moments may be uncomfortable but they are not necessarily harmful.
Why manageable challenges matter
Children learn through experience. They learn when they try, struggle, adjust and try again. Over time, these experiences help build an internal message: “I can handle this.”
Manageable stress is a normal part of healthy development. This may include the brief discomfort of trying something new, facing a small fear, waiting for a turn, losing a game, or dealing with a disagreement. When these experiences are mild, short-lived and supported by a caring adult, they help children practise self-regulation, persistence and problem-solving.
Age-appropriate challenges often look very ordinary. A young child might be encouraged to put on their shoes on their own, even if it takes longer. A school-aged child might be given time to figure out how to fix a toy before an adult steps in. An older child might be supported in thinking through a friendship problem rather than having the parent intervene immediately.
These moments help children learn, through experience, that they can cope with challenges. A child does not develop confidence simply by being told they are capable of doing something; they develop confidence by being given the chance to experience their own capabilities in real situations.
The cost of always stepping in
When adults intervene too quickly, children may miss important learning moments. If every problem is solved for them, they may question their ability to find solutions. If frustration is always removed, their tolerance for it may remain low. If reassurance is offered before they even try to cope, they become more dependent on adult reassurance than on their own judgement.
This does not mean children should be left to struggle on their own. There is a significant difference between abandonment and healthy ‘scaffolding’. Scaffolding means the adult remains present, calm and available, but does not immediately take over. A caregiver might say: “I can see this is frustrating. What have you tried so far?” or “Would you like a hint, or would you like a few more minutes to try?”
In this way, the child experiences both safety and agency. They know that support is available, but they also learn that they have a role in finding a way forward.
Parents may also need to address their own discomfort in such moments. Sometimes adults step in not because the child cannot cope, but because it is difficult to watch them feel frustrated, upset or uncertain. Pausing before intervening can create space for the child to try and for the adult to respond more calmly.
Letting them grow
The aim is not to make childhood harder, but rather to let children practise dealing with life’s smaller challenges, while adult support is still close by. Small disappointments, mistakes and social difficulties can become opportunities to develop flexibility, responsibility and resilience.
Of course, every child is different. Some children may need more preparation, reassurance or structure, particularly if they are more cautious, sensitive, process the world differently, or are going through a difficult period. The goal is not to push children beyond what they can manage, but to gradually strengthen their ability to cope with life’s challenges.
Ultimately, parenting is not about creating a path where nothing ever goes wrong. It is about helping children develop the skills to respond when challenges arise. Scraped knees, difficult friendships, moments of self-doubt and small failures are not always signs that something has gone wrong; they are often part of growing up and of learning to face life with growing confidence.
Cynthianne Cardona is a warranted counsellor and member of the Malta Association for the Counselling Profession (MACP).
If you’re interested in learning more about the counselling profession or would like additional information on mental health and self-care, visit www.macpmalta.org, www.facebook.com/ CounsellingMaltaMACP or e-mail info@macpmalta.org.
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