Dating is a lot like playing a game of chess: there are plenty of strategies you can use to try and achieve what it is you’re looking for. So it’s natural that while some believe in starting slow and being as undemanding as possible in the first few months, others are taking the ‘hardballing’ approach.
First used in business, ‘hardballing’ is the idea that people should be more upfront about what they want and don’t want from a relationship. This includes their hopes for getting married, having children, and what time frame would work for them.
This tactic could actually be a good way of weeding out anyone who is looking for something casual, or even finding someone else who just wants casual easily. It may also save you precious time on dating people who have no plans for a serious relationship or who don’t want children.
Yet there are a few pitfalls to the trend. For a start, someone may say they want the same things that you do if they feel cornered. It’s also important to keep in mind that people may change their minds as things progress.
Secondly, a number of psychologists have pointed out that this tactic can actually make it easier for people to fall for narcissists, who will lovebomb you into believing they want everything you do when, in reality, they just want to win you over.
Either way, what this trend makes clear is that many people feel that there’s a lack of honesty and openness in dating. So while ‘hardballing’ may seem extreme, discussing things like children, marriage, and other big life choices early on may not always be a bad idea.
